The word "transaction" (去來, georae) in Korean consists of the characters for "going" and "coming." While we call the movement of people "coming and going" (往來, wangrae), transaction refers to the exchange of goods. In accounting, a transaction is defined as the increase or decrease in assets and the exchange of goods or services. The English word "transaction" implies an "action" that "transfers," referring to the act of transferring rights or values. Such transactions are always recorded in monetary terms, and therefore, their evaluation must be fair.
Then, how do we evaluate human relationships? They say a single word can repay a debt of a thousand nyang, yet we do not evaluate people in terms of money. However, if a person wins someone's heart, they gain opportunities. They might become a spouse, land a job, or get elected to office. Thus, how important it is!
Aside from meeting and talking in person, we used to exchange phone calls or letters, and nowadays, we communicate conveniently through social media. Communication is the relationship. While it is a joyful and good thing for people to visit one another, it is not easy if the distance is great. Therefore, most relationships are formed with people within a physically accessible distance. The diversity of the people we meet is as vast and varied as the colors of the rainbow.
Once, at a gathering, I found an empty seat and naturally struck up a conversation with the person next to me. He was gentle and kind. After a brief process of exploration, I started a conversation with a topic he might like. "You have a very kind impression," I said, thinking it wasn't something he would find unpleasant. "I may be kind, but I am not foolish," he replied with unexpectedly strong words. "I see," I said, waiting for him to continue. It seemed he was kind, but people had often treated him rudely in the past.
I hear that when a man or woman approaches someone they are interested in, it is called "working" (jak-eop). To me, it feels like a somewhat foreign expression. How does the person receiving that interest react? Simply saying "Welcome" just because they don't dislike it might be seen as light behavior. That is probably why people "push and pull" (mildang). Pushing and pulling? It is like lifting and dropping a fishing line with bait, or winding and unwinding a kite string depending on the wind. Pushing and pulling is also a technique in Judo or Ssireum (Korean wrestling). it is a movement to disrupt the opponent's center of gravity to apply a technique. One can hold their ground by pushing back when pushed and pulling back when pulled, or even counter-attack by pulling when the opponent pushes.
That man, who seemed like a master of such things, said he gives a person three chances when he meets them. He evaluates them in his own way. If the other person makes a mistake for the first time, he quietly tells them. If they make a mistake a second time, he judges, "This person treats me in this manner." It is no longer just a mistake. He becomes wary and lowers his trust in that person. However, if they make a mistake a third time, he says no more and quietly shifts to a mode of self-protection. Inwardly, he ceases the relationship. He has discarded it.
He is giving the person he met an opportunity, not granting them unlimited access. Opportunities are given because he believes relationships can be improved and developed, but allowing unlimited access is, in his view, condoning rudeness. He must have learned this after being hurt for a long time. When he is silent, it is not because he hasn't organized his thoughts, but because he feels he has already explained enough. Since he has already made a decision, there is no need for debate.
Human relationships, especially encounters with the opposite sex, are determined at first sight. A single person contains as much information as the infinite universe. The gateway to looking into such a person is the eyes. If the glass of spectacles is clear, we see what is in front of us but do not see the lens itself. If the eyes are clear, one can look beyond the eyeball into the depth of the person stacked layer upon layer. The same goes for fish in a market. Those that are not fresh have cloudy eyes first. A transaction is about giving and receiving. How spiteful it is to covet and pry into a beautiful, universe-like person while having nothing to give and no intention of giving anything.
After listening for a while, another person sitting nearby chimed in. He said he had realized a few things. He was always kind and generous to people, only to find that later they took it for granted and began to push him around. Their respect for him vanished, and they no longer knew his value. He had become someone people could ignore and treat carelessly—someone who was only called upon when they needed work done. So now, he says "No" quietly but clearly with a smile. He earns good money. It might look like he earns it easily, but how much failure and effort must he have endured? Now his wallet is full, but he says he doesn't buy meals for just anyone anymore. Especially not for those who think being treated is a given...
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